I’m back in Hull, UK, for my third semester in “American Studies with Creative Writing”, which I found both very interesting and rewarding in a personal way the first year. Even though I’m glad the unnecessarily long summer vacation is finally coming to an end, I have a certain feeling of homesickness dwelling in my stomach, something I didn’t think would happen to me again after my Vancouver Film School experience.
But my situation is entirely different now. Now, I’m in love. Now, there’s someone special waiting for me back home, someone I long for with all my mind, body, and soul right now.
I’m the Champion Procrastinator. I’m very good at compiling list above list, making detailed and refined plans of what I’m going to do when and how. But do I ever stick to them? — Rarely. There are so many things on my to-do-list, and University hasn’t even started yet. Still, I procrastinate, sitting around in my Hull student room, playing computer games and reading Bill Clinton’s autobiography (though the latter I can forgive myself, for reading is always rewarding and important, and the book at hand corresponds to my studies). I even went so far as procrastinating very long until writing this very first journal entry.
So who am I? Who’s writing this, and why should anyone care to read on? Well, it’s a journal, and I’m offering my thoughts to whom it may concern. I consider myself a writer, but this by no means is part of my creative work. I don’t edit or spellcheck these entries, I don’t compose arguments or outline any stories before hitting away at my keyboard. Since anybody not knowing me personally will have a hard time making sense of anything I write here, I will set up an “about me” page sometime. You see, I said “sometime”, which gives me the liberty to procrastinate as long on it as I like. Man, am I good at cheating myself!
So I read Clinton’s “My Life”, and I wonder if I could ever hold any political office. I’m not a leader of men, I never was. I’m not an “alpha male” in the stereotypical sense. And I’m kind of glad about that, for in a way I detest and cannot respect people that so openly and often rudely command the attention and following of anyone around them as if it was the most natural thing on earth for anyone else to stick to some leader. But maybe it is natural. I often find myself in the position where I admire someone for their natural aura of leadership, but only if his or her views correspond with mine.
And that brings me to another point: I don’t see myself as a leader, and yet there are so many issues that I would like to work on, or help to change. One of my resolutions and bigger plans for my life is to be — not to become — to be the one single person with the highest moral and ethical standards that I myself know. And that is not an easy task, for it often involves to old adage of “do as I say, don’t do as I do”. But I try hard, and self-conscious, and that probably is more than the majority of people these days. After all, self-examination is not a trend sport.
